Reference

The Couples Glossary

The dictionary of the language couples actually speak. Mostly silently. Often in a single tonal "right." Pronounce it however you like — they'll know what you meant, and probably what you didn't.

The "I'm Fine" adj.: The opposite of fine. Time-released. Detonates anywhere from twenty minutes to four days later.
"You alright?" — "I'm fine."
The Mm-hmm n.: Agreement-shaped. Not agreement. The most dangerous two syllables in a long-term relationship.
"It wasn't even that bad." — "Mm-hmm."
The Phantom Argument n.: A row he hasn't started having yet but will definitively lose. Currently being prosecuted in her head while he watches the football.
The Sigh n.: A cease-and-desist in respiratory form. Fully legally binding once issued.
The Right. interj.: Loaded. Context decides whether it means "okay then" or "you have made a grave error and we are going to discuss it."
Fridge Blindness n.: Clinical inability to locate the butter that is, in fact, directly in front of one's face. Affects approximately 100% of male partners. There is no known cure.
The Bin Jenga n.: Late-stage refusal to tie the bag, characterised by the precarious balancing of additional rubbish on a pile that is, by any reasonable measure, full.
The Two Minutes n.: Never two minutes. Has never been two minutes. Will never be two minutes.
"I'll be down in two minutes." (twenty-three minutes pass)
The Look n.: The wordless "are you seeing this?" delivered to an imaginary camera, an actual camera, or — in dire circumstances — a houseplant.
Phubbing v.: Phone snubbing. Modern. Widely known. Still happens at the dinner table approximately once per week. Counter-attack: the dramatic placement of one's own phone, screen-down, on the table.
The Mental Load n.: The invisible project management of an entire household. Includes: birthdays, dentist appointments, when the recycling goes out, what's for tea on Thursday, and whether his mum has been called this fortnight. Carried by one person. Felt by both.
The Tea n.: The post-row peace offering. Universal. Non-negotiable. Made exactly how she takes it, without comment. The white flag of British relationships.
The Babe n.: Same word, four meanings, all real: (1) affectionate, (2) checking she's in the room, (3) "I've done something," (4) warning.
The "It's fine, leave it" phrase: Never leave it. Has never meant leave it. The verbal equivalent of a small, lit fuse.
The Back Tap n.: Affection delivered in passing. Without comment. Without ceremony. The single most underrated gesture in a working relationship.
The Dishwasher Doctrine n.: Strongly held, frequently incompatible views about what goes where, which way the bowls face, and whether the small forks really need their own compartment. Yes, they do.
The Thermostat War n.: The perennial three-degree disagreement, fought via the silent and continuous adjustment of the dial whenever one of you leaves the room.
The "I told you that" phrase: He did not tell you that. He thought about telling you that. He may have told the dog. He has not told you.

Got a term we missed? Tell us — we'll add the good ones.

About the channel